I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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