I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
