after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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