Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
