... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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