sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
