Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
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