theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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