Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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