I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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