so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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