I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
