who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I supernannyed him into submission
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
