I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Can Purell be used as lube?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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