I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
