dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
