why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
