Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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