There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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