So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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