we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you guys were way drunker than both of me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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