I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
