You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
