why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
