remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
