I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
