I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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