I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
