We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
