happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
