we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
