And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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