It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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