i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
