But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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