A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
