I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
