you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
