What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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