I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
