this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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