I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
