Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
