I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
