2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
