youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
