Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
