it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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