do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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