You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize