well you can't waste a boner
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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