also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
