I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there was a trapeze. enough said
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
