Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
