ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize