so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If its not for food we ain't going out.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
