I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
