I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
