remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
