EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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