Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
