he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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