We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
