so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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