So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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