I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
