I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
