I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
