So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
this boner is exhausting
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
