Christians are straight up FREAKS
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
