Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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