Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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