I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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