wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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