I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
