im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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