You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
