So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
