the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
