I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
