Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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