Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hippo gnu deer
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
