Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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