Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
