you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
