Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
